⊹˚. ♡.𖥔 ݁ ˖ Show : Purpose & Love

The show where Mee interviews me, Sirah Haris, the online oracle that likes orcas! Tonights episode all about lifes purpose and love!

*the beginning intro roles, its me getting into bed, closing my eyes and first thinking of a romantic scenario but then drifting into the ⊹˚. ♡.𖥔 ݁ ˖ studio*

““Sirah Haris the online oracle” is again tonight’s guest in ⊹˚. ♡.𖥔 ݁ and is here tonight to answer some, or potentially just one question depending on his mood HAHAHA” the crowd is silent. There is no crowd. There is the abstract idea of “crowd”.

“Hellooo thank you so much Mee for having me on⊹˚. ♡.𖥔 ݁ ˖ again it is an honour to be here every night right before going to bed answering questions from you Mee and just really getting into it the nitty gritty, so go ahead ask me a question”

“What is the purpose of life, and will you ever find love?”

“Oh hold on Mee, those are actually two very big questions, so lets start with the first, what is the purpose of life….Hmmm, well to start off take this as a snapshot of this moment in time. A time capsule of my thoughts right now, they might change eventually. Of course, life is a board term, I assume you mean life for the human and its purpose. In the case of life in general, for all creatures and animals and plants then it’s a different discussion. Defining what I think of as a purpose would also be highly interesting to develop my opinion more. Purpose is (according to me googling it and thinking about it) the reason why something is created/why it exists and the long-term overarching goal of one’s existence in this case earthly existence as I assume everyone reading this is experiencing existence like that. (if you are not, please write me sirah.artist@gmail.com as I want to interview you)

To start with the first component of purpose, let’s bring it back to physical facts we are all born due to one thing. Sex. Lol I said sex on live television, omg so embarrassing, but it’s the truth. Peepee in nuunuu. In most cases its love that is the physical reason why we are born, but to keep it plain and simple, sex. Of course, there are many ways we are conceived and situations where love isn’t part of the equation whatsoever. So, what does sex mean, just the consensual acting upon attraction of two parties to each other. So, there was one thing in one being that was attracted to the other being, in humans I can analyse it more because I have no clue what dogs think, but I know swans fall in love, but why? It’s so complicated also plants…I have zero clue how that works in the grand scheme of the world but yea also I don’t care right now. so, I will keep just talking about us humans. So back to the point, the two humans … wait I totally completely forgot that there are also semen banks…like people get semen to put in their nuunuu to have a baby. However, in most cases attraction is part of the conceiving, semen bank stories are quite rare, but I’ll get to it more soon. I can only theorize in my spiritual-esque oracle way that this attraction of two people is an inherent link of traits that are by destiny meant to come together to create life. This is again not based in any true hardline fact, but much more an interpretation I do and I’m aware it is a romanticization of life, but that’s how I see the world. If u don’t want to hear it turn this channel off! So my belief is we are born due to destiny, due to the fact we were meant to be born, everything led to us being born, we are born because we are born. Behind this I see a romantic tale of the universe and people coming together, even through bad and good, to somehow end up creating a world where you are born. Your face, your personality, your earthly existence is a result of an endless history of events unfolding. You are a unique artifact, like the sedimentation of the earths crust, you carry the universes history in you, through your atoms. Maybe an atom in you once was one of a triceratops, I hope one of mine was, I like those a lot. I have theory on atoms, the fact nothing gets created only transforms, the soul within that but let’s bring it back to the original question .With the physical part cleared, I would still like to dig deeper into the fact that you won in the semen race and why that is, and if it is a part of you that truly ached to be born. It is really interesting, but I know me and the watchers of ⊹˚. ♡.𖥔 ݁ ˖ would like to get into the second part of purpose.

The goal in life. The hierarchy of needs by Maslow is a great way for me to start saying when actual feelings and questions of purpose seem to arise in people. When one lives in survival mode, one’s purpose becomes surviving. Of course, even when we just plainly have to survive we ache for more, we wish for a world where we can have a bigger purpose. This development is very clearly seen in prehistoric art. Oh do not get me starter on prehistoric art I am so fascinated by it. In my book, we humans began becoming unnatural when our purpose began rising above just surviving, as we slowly moved out of the circle of nature and rule nature instead. This is again a further topic I’d like to digest more in a different interview, but I wanted to mention it as I see in this expression of art a need for us humans to share, be remembered and understood. Our initial purposes beyond surviving are social, again seen by the Maslow hierarchy of needs. To start of talking about goals I also would like to mention how capitalism and in general big structures of society have made it seem as if we need to have 1 big goal in life and if we don’t have one, we are destined to fail. A very goal oriented, so outcome oriented, mindset often bleeds into perfectionism which then in turn makes the enjoyment of life go down. My view is that since we are now, most of the time , beyond the primal understanding of survival, of course living pay check to pay check is a form of survival but it is not the primal hunting gathering kind…well maybe it is, but in a modern forest aka a city instead of the forest. Wow I love coming on this show ⊹˚. ♡.𖥔 ݁ ˖ it is just fascinating to talk and discover things I didn’t think of immediately before. The difference in those two survival scenarios to me is, the “potential” so in prehistory as u hunt and gather food you aren’t told and don’t see this capitalist machinery showing off the richest of the rich who are living like gods. Back back back then most of us struggled equally. The inequality of the struggle and the HUGEEEE and growing gap between the just surviving and the super-rich. However, past the prehistoric era, whenever there was a society there was this two sided coin. What am I even talking about? Well basically about the purpose of living after figuring out why you are born. Part of me just wants to say “Enjoy living to the fullest” and that is true of course, but then what if someone enjoys killing? Maybe “Enjoy living and extend that possibility to everyone else” but that lacks the complete nuance and beauty of the rollercoaster that is life. Life is not just happy happy happy, its sad angry tired and that is just as much important as the happy parts. Thus “Live life authentically to your own values” but we are not perfect we make mistakes our values are not perfect. It is a very complicated topic indeed, very interesting too. I believe the purpose of life is a combination of enjoying the ride, seeing the beauty in the ups and downs, following one’s own ambitions, feeling comfort through oneself and others, not taking life too seriously. Ugh what a shit show. I’m a shit show I’m sorry yall this episode truly sucks I don’t think I can give you a good answer. It’s just really hard to pinpoint how to express what the purpose of life is and that is truly the beauty of it but also the frustrating part. I wish I could come up with a silly little yet profound saying people could use on the Instagram captions in 2089.

To recap what I said so far, the purpose for you being here is first of all the fact you are conceived, in whatever way that happened, it is a miracle that all of human history came together to create the one singular moment that YOU were born. You are a miracle, a miracle destined to happen. I think I would scrap the attraction part, as yes in most cases that is the case, but in some it isn’t, and it thus completely nulls my theory of attracting things in eachother. It is so romantic though, oh how romantic it is, me and you were meant to make a baby because I love you so much. Wow that’s so beautiful, but also not always true. I feel bad saying this and then the people born from other scenarios are like “ehm so I am not born from this love and attraction” and them feeling less-than others in terms of purpose here on earth. That would of course be so wrong. To summarize the first part of purpose, the reason of one’s existence it’s that each one of us being born is a destined miracle as all of the universes and humanity’s actions lead to it happening. It isn’t planned in the traditional sense more as in, of course it would happen, since everything that had to happen for it to happen, happened. I make very little sense and I hate people like me who just talk about something so long even though it so simple. I do not hate myself, but I just wish I was not like this.

So to answer you question of “What is the purpose of life?” I can give you two answers, a simple non-overthinking one and an overthinking one.

Ansewer 1# Live life and ride out the rollercoaster. There will be ups and downs, see the beauty in both. Relish in the experience of earthly feelings, as it isn’t forever, but accept and find comfort in the mystery of non-earthly existence. In whatever timeline you are born in, in that context you will have urges and natural inclinations to pursue some type of path and follow it. May it be to become a vase maker in pre-Pangea or a owner of a thrift store in 2024. However in the goal of your life, realize above all that the path is the goal, and the finish line will fade, change, transform until you die and realise the path has been the goal all along. Be lucky to have your needs met, be lucky to have the right cards in the right era. Either way, the cards will fall however they fall, you have just as much control as they do. Luck Is something you cant control, but if you are lucky to have enough control, beyond luck, enjoy the experience of fullfilldness by experiencing all emotions. Bittersweet.

Answer 2# Honestly answer 1 kinda ate. I feel like it isn’t perfect, but Im satisfied for now. I don’t wanna break my head to create something perfect and a clear answer, as that doesn’t exist. We all can make purpose up for ourselves and that is the beauty of it. How many times have I said “That is the beauty of it” lol. But truly it really is so nice we all can have our own answer to this question, but I hope whatever answer we choose we do feel happy most of the way. This all is a personal take, my personal feelings towards it so yea take it with a grain of salt and at most get inspired by it. Id like to be inspired by you too.

I love the bittersweetness of life…I am such a sucker for a lil pain with my happiness.

Talking about love I’d like to move to your second question. Will I ever find love? I was lucky, I was born loved. My mom and dad loved me from the day I was born. Does that mean I felt loved, understood, had my needs met all the time? No, it just means they love me. There is many types of love I assume that with that question you meant more romantic love, or maybe that’s just the bias that we as humans have instilled in us. Love songs means romance, never friends of family (maybe in Alabama both wait I am speaking in this interview how am I speaking in brackets). Anyways, I do feel loved by my family. Not as a whole person though, there are sides of me I doubt some people in my family would love, aka my gayness. So, I do feel I am loved, but to a certain extent conditionally. Isn’t all love conditional though, if my son turned out to be a serial killer murderer, would I still love him? The parental love is so strong, even though I would hate him for what he has done, a side of me would love him. I would maybe argue to say love is not conditional or unconditional, love is depending on many sides of a person. We as humans have so many facets and we might hate a part of one person but love the other. We might be totally head over heels with someone physically and love them for that but hate their shitty humour. I cannot quite put my finger on a word for this phenomenon, for now I will say that we love facets, but can we love a whole person and all their facets unconditionally?

Developing on the fact that we love facets, we might like this facet of one person and this other we don’t, be it rational or emotional, this is true. How come then even if people have these facets, we still love them as a whole person, since yes people have facets but they all come in one package, not in separate. Its like if you have a lasagna and u don’t like layer 4 out of 10, you would still eat it. Hmmm that is also so difficult as we all have experienced this horrible person we somehow still loved. If love is conditional, unconditional, or not, it is above all not consistent. It is not rational. It is emotional. The world of emotions, on a biological level, on a psychological level really interests me, but above all the spiritual level to emotions, the seemingly unexplainable nature of existing and our soul, these things are so interesting and hard to fully grasp. In this inner mine-side as I previously coined it in “Inside Outside Inside”, the core of the universe that is where love is born. Yes rational aspects help us make decisions on it and biological and psychological factors play a part of it, but it is to me a spiritual born topic. I can see eyes rolling, the word spiritual gets such a bad rep, and I get it, it’s so wishy washy, but I am just 23 I don’t know everything I am wishy washy. Fuck you. Fuck me. LOL jk. But back to the topic of love.

Is love conditional? I believe a better way to put it is, that love has two sides, the rational and emotional. Love is born from the emotional side, so it’s caused by a concoction of the unexplainable mystery of the soul, the biological needs of our body and brain and the psychological way our earthly experience has shaped us. On the rational side of our mind, love is in regard to facets, depending on these facets and how they factor into each other, love is conditional. If emotionally we are so in love with some, but they are mean, they don’t seem to like us, they smell like kaka, they hate puppies, they beheaded your plushie, then the condition applies of “There is too many negative facets of you that do not contribute to me living a good life” and we cut them off (well rationally we should, but that’s where emotions come into play). Emotions are incredibly unexplainable, as much as we go to therapy to analyse patterns, feelings, conditions, the actual experience of being a human on a moment-to-moment basis is truly fascinatingly unpredictable and magical. Feelings happen no matter how clearly, we understand their origins or how aware of the actual feelings we are. These feelings affect our rational thinking. Where this love in this mine-side comes from is a mystery, a mystery I oh so deeply am in love with, I love the universe, I love god. A beautiful mystery, its so so beautiful.

I love my nephews so much, I just do, its natural of me to just want to protect them and give them a happy life. It was not a choice, there is this mysterious beautifully hidden pattern of love that threads together the fabric of life. Wow I seem to be having a good day. We love babies, our little ones, its natural, woven into the fabric of existence. Some people hate babies though, truly frighting, I do not understand it. That’s where this completely unpredictable mine-side comes from. There are ,as I said, patterns that connect us all of loving our babies and there is natural biological reason for that, to protect them to ensure the survival of our species, so maybe it all goes back to this. It does sound like such a cold, primal and tbh stupid thing to say, but is the purpose of living ensuring a species survival? But we as humans are so beyond that, but our biological core is still wired like that. Is it maybe natural for every start of existence to be small and for that to grow bigger till it again gets smaller again, and thus existence always is framed in that way and in each experience of existence we nurture the small and growing and the small and fading, because we see ourselves in them. How would existence look if we started BIG and became small, because even Benjamin Button was a little sperm that grew big, everything must be small for it to be big and then become small to disappear.

Can our biological core be wired differently? Will we ever distance ourselves so much from nature that love will completely change? How could love in world look where love does not come from the base purpose of ensuring a species survival? Is that even a true take to take? Love, so crazy right, never ever had somebody love me right, forgive forget and hold on tight, that is a Farrah Moan quote from drag race. PHEREMONES those are also biologically so interesting, again wired to have us ensure the survival of our species, but wait I am gay. I am naturally gay, so my love for family and friends and supporting them and caring for them to thrive, that is based on this idea of the prime purpose being to survive and ensure the survival of a species, but my sexual desire isn’t directly linked to that. How deeply I feel though, how much I truly can love a man to such a submissive way that I got all eyes for him and just want to support and nourish him to reach great success and happiness in his purpose. That in a way again is a form of supporting the survival of the species. Love in any shape, is for the survival of the species. Oh how stupid I was to assume a species only needs to reproduce to survive, love is the number one need for survival of a group. Is it possible that the reason why we as humans have been able to develop together as much as we did, is because we love each other in more ways that other species can? That is an interesting question that I out of instinct would say NO to because so many animals show love and compassion for each other, more than some humans, but it was quite the romantic thing of me to think, so typical of me.

To bring it back to the initial question you asked me for ⊹˚. ♡.𖥔 ݁ ˖ . I have some familial love, may it be just for a few facets and feel conditional, but I believe rationally a lot of love is conditional. Emotionally for those who stand the closest to me, regardless of how they might feel about certain facets of me, I think they would never be not able to not love me. A certain version of me they loved they will always love, baby me maybe. I was such a cute fat little baby. Do I love them? Yes. Do I feel safe and comfortable with then? Mostly not, but that is for the rational reasons aka things that happened, not the love that is emotional.

Friend love goes the same, you love facets, and it is conditional. Emotionally, this unexplained side just like family, trumps (EW TRUMP) the rational side and overrides it many of times. The unexplainable always rules over the explainable, well not always, but I guess its stronger. So, my family or friends might dislike something about me, but a part of them will always love me. I disagree with that, it is possible to stop loving someone actively, so maybe my terminology isn’t as clear as I want it to be. If love is gone, the memory of it is love for a past version of them, that persists, so love is very intertwined and layered thing and not just active but also archived. Love does not act in a lineral timeline.

Romantic love. Oh my gosh I am such a hopeFULL romantic. I love men so much I hate them. The purest, rawest form and the one I hope to one day find is admiration. I want to admire a man. Emotionally admire him. The facets of him don’t need to all be loved, some bad sides even make it a lil more exciting, I like a little pain with my sweet. I love admiring a man. Not blindly, I am not naïve, I only admire a man who deserves it, who treats me with respect and kindness. I do love that feeling so much, I tend to lie to myself when I am with a man, make me believe he has all these qualities and enjoy the feeling of manipulating myself into admiring him. Down the road it hurts me, but in the moment, it feels so good to let all this love out on one man. Yes I do the cooking, yes I do the cleaning, yes I keep my nunu real sweet for your eating. Okay it isn’t that crazy, I would never admire a man who wants me to be his slave, I admire a man who has a dominant energy naturally that does not have to be phoney-ly put on. A true man I admire will cook for me, clean for me, just as much as I do for him. Oh how I wish a man would be worthy of my admiration and I do not need perfect, quite the opposite, as I said also according to my view on the purpose of life, I want the ups and downs (IN BED, I had to say it, I can’t help my funny bone, omg funny boner lol jk ew… that’s nasty Ill stop)

Ive never been in love romantically, but I have many times enjoyed imaging a man was worth my love. It just feels so good until he plays so against the role I set out for him. Why did you not even check up on me when I was sick? Lying to myself felt good for a bit, a little pathetic now. Did I use them to fuel my own needs by making them into someone they are not or did they use me and I just made myself enjoy it? I don’t think anyone used anyone, I regret no one from my past romantically, besides one man... He truly was evil, hard to understand now that I am older how someone so much older can be so manipulative. And why did you take advantage of me and made me out to be the bad one when I told you I think you manipulated me because you were older and I was a teen? Why did I apologise? There all my theories on love go out the window, does he love anyone else besides himself? Like truly love?...Is it bad to say I do not him wish well, I don’t wish him bad either, I wish him nothing. All I wish is that I never met him, but I am happy with who I am now so Ill embrace that down of my life…or try to…I’m only 23, I don’t know it all yet.

I wish for myself that I don’t have to pretend, but again do I believe I will find love? Familial? Kinda Check. Friends? Check. Romance? I hope so so so so deeply I do. I really really do, but I have this monster gnawing at me telling I won’t. If I die not having a loved a man truly, I will die unresolved. Id love to raise children and cats too. I’d love to become a famous person for my online oracle-ness, for my art of thinking and making. However, if all of this comes true but I have not found a man id feel empty.

Maybe that is MY purpose in life, I have many goals but the foundation of my purpose is love, have family love, friend love and hopefully find a man I truly love romantically. A man I admire. Is this possibly even the answer to your first question, maybe love is also at the base of purpose, oh I fully forgot to add it back then, but consider it added now! All the ways of love, maybe there is even more, I have so much to explore but I am getting sleepy and Mee I will just end the show here, thank you all for listening and being part of tonight’s episode of ⊹˚. ♡.𖥔 ݁ ˖. I hope everyone gets home safe sleeps well, find peace in their purpose and sees the love they already have and has hope for the love they still wish they had.

I on my end will fantasize and make a scenario about Adam Driver, or maybe this Turkish german tiktoker that looks a lot like adam, but I don’t want to think in german…anyways I have to catch my bus to the fantasizing studio!!! BYEEEEE”

I shake hands with Mee and spawn in the fantasizing studio. I feel a bit pathetic, but there is something so romantic in not having something romantic.

Scene 1 play.

P.s.: This was written in one go, it is an exploration of thoughts, please respect the temportarity of these statements and do not hold me forever according to what I say now. That type of mindset paralyzses me and I decided to not be afraid of making change visible. I always change. Accept it, because I already did.

P.P.s.: This is based on the interview-y pre-sleep mindset I have where I ask myself questions and answer them. Usually very big questions, something to yap about till I fall asleep. I’m so excited for the scenario tonight, I feel so romantic. #romantic